Brian Zegarski's Digital Playground

Digital Playground

A managerie of web-based toys

Thou dankish, hasty-witted puttock!

Insult mine ears again, thou fusty-futtocked jackanapes!

Click yon link and verily, shalt thou find a barb worthy of the Bard!

I programmed this Shakespearean insult generator in PHP from a word list compiled by Jerry Maguire, an English teacher at Center Grove High School in Greenwd, IN. (Presumably no relation to the movie character.) My program is based on his clever, three-column scheme for building these pithy phrases. (And yeah, I also made the silly animations. Go ahead, give the Bard a poke!)

Ask the Magic Web-Ball a question!
Need help making a decision? Click on the 8-ball image to get sage advice. Magic Web-Ball is also an expert at delivering excuses on demand. Give it a try!

The Incredible Psychedelic Mushroom Simulator

This is an amazing optical illusion! I came across it years ago and kept it, knowing I'd find a use for it someday. I have two versions: a really cool Adobe Flash and a barely adequate, animated GIF if the Flash version won't work for you.

Instructions (please read): Click the link of your choice below. This browser window will go white (or just this frame if you choose GIF) and you will see a rotating spiral. Resize your window if necessary, then fix your gaze on the center of the spiral and stare at it for 15 seconds or longer, resisting the temptation to let your eyes drift. Now look away from the screen and stare at your hand or your computer mouse. Whoa! Trippy!! Use your browser's 'back' button to return and try it again; it's free and completely legal! See the walls melt, watch your pencil undulate, look at a photograph... experiment, man!

Flash version (Recommended! Resize your window as large as possible.)
Cheesy animated GIF (Only if you can't accept Adobe plug-ins)

(Remember to use your browser's "back" button to return to this page.)

Ready for some more?

Where in the World...?

See if you can identify the location of this animated video clip. Don't try it if you have a dial-up connection; it's a 1.4 MB GIF file. But if you have decent download bandwidth, have a look; it's kind of surprising. See if you can guess where this is...

The Little River Ice Cube Mill, AKA...
The Moscow Vortex!
"Inuvik Power Plant Number One"? "The Lavelle Hydraulic Engine"?? "The Eddy Floe Rotor"??? Whatever you might what to call it, this rare phenomenon of rotating river ice is actually known--rather prosaically--as an ice circle. My father shot this photo and video on his way into town on Feb. 9, 2010 while driving past the Little River in Moscow, a settlement in Stowe, Vermont. The rotation caused by shear forces in the river's flow wears the ice into a perfectly circular disc as it contacts the surrounding, stationary river ice. Pretty neat! Click here for larger photo; click here to see a video clip.

If I entertained you, click on an ad below; it earns me a few cents! Be sure to check this page periodically; I have a couple more ideas I'd like to implement including a PC Feng Shui Master, and a PC Shamen to excercise your computer of those troublesome evil spirits.

Keywords: William Shakespeare insult generator Shakespearean insults optical illusions

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